Popular Post Dood Posted November 2, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted November 2, 2015 (edited) My wife had dumped the can before confronting me for the first time. Afterwards, I fought through the suck for a few weeks, but went back to the can soon thereafter as if no time had passed. It's just what I do. No one else fucking gets it.A month later I got caught again with a can in my pocket and abruptly pronounced that I'm "quit." I wasn't quit. The cycle rolled on as it does. Hurting the ones I loved; but they are really hurting themselves because they don't get it. Let's sneak harder. They can't frown upon what they don't fucking know. Ok, I'm really just using their inability to understand to hurt them further. Any small argument an excuse to stop by the gas station while raging around town and gettin' back to it. The truth is though, I'm probably not even addicted. This is just that thing I do. This thing where I buy pouches constantly and make sure I have more than a can a day; I don't need to, it's just what I do. No one else understands. It's just what I do - my thing.I am driving to CVS to buy diapers and wipes and my upper gum feels weird as I run my tongue over it. Fucking food got jammed in there or something.I look in the rear view.This isn't food. This is the root of one of my teeth poking through. Oh shit. This can't be happening to me. Don't panic. I'm not addicted and the product I use isn't even harmful. Camel Snus might even be good for you. I'm sure of it. Read the internet motherfucker.I have got to stop this.I have three unopened cans in my truck. (they are hidden). I signed a pledge that I found on the KTC site and stomped out to my car, manhandling the unopened pouches right into the fucking garbage. Fuck you motherfuckers. I am quit. Oh, the dentist says it's not an exposed root, but some random bone spur. Ok rad. I am quit I guess. I wasn't quit.KTC helped me through the first few weeks. I rarely posted outside of my month's group. Occasionally, I would post a funny anecdote about getting an enema to fight off the constipation. Deep down I knew that I wasn't quit. These dudes have been using way longer than me. They don't really know my situation. I knew I wasn't quit when visiting my same month's group from the previous year and seeing the lack of activity. This was reinforced when I looked back a year prior to that. Watching how cavers were treated as they dropped back down to the active groups.Sliding your feet across the carpet to 100 days is important and yet it isn't. I remember someone hitting the HOF, but his former group came to razz him about caving in the first place instead of congratulating him. I sided with the coddlers. We are inherently weak after all. Quitting is hard, this time, or any. Ya'll know how it is.Ya'll don't know, because I'm different. I'm probably not even addicted. The quit speak is sort of corny and annoying and doesn't really apply to me. Let's just sneak our way to day 100, high five ourself, then saunter off. Truth be told, I didn't even make it 100 days. I viewed smoking hooka, smoking cigars, smoking cigarettes or e-cigs even, as not using. I used other folks' failures as a security blanket in my false-quit.Oh, I'm banned from a message board that I never needed in the first place? LOL. The OG's from my group will accept me. They know how hard it is to quit. It was at this point that BK invited me here and everything changed. A colorful story that glamorized smoking a cigar at the titty bar, because "well, ya'll know how it is" got zero claps here. It was the first time that I was confronted with the lies I told myself (and everyone else). QD doesn't acknowledge that bullshit. I now feel the quit running through my veins. Maybe that's metaphorical, but it doesn't feel so as I type this now.I will post here til I've hit 500 days. Til I've hit 1000 days. Til I've hit 10,000 days. I will not use nicotine in any form today. Slinking off like I used to isn't an option. I am proud to post here.Thanks to BK, Lipi, LumberjackTim, JKEdwards, 8meds, schaef, Mitch, Shorty, dirty randy, Thumble, Grizz, Golf, Lighty, Mat, BJ, Sam, Beast, Kobe, sschuman, sox, pope, Rickdic, BigD, JayD, Doc, NMCB, BRO, Sajax, Done4Me, sluggo, Napa, and everyone else who I bullshit here on a daily basis.Let's do some quitting tomorrow. I know that I'm ready for fuck's sake. Oh, so fucking ready. Edited November 2, 2015 by Dood 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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