Popular Post beast42 Posted December 14, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted December 14, 2015 (edited) I take a deep sigh as i start to write this.... I was born addicted to nicotine....My mother smoked while she was pregnant with me ...I grew up in a house where both parents smoked. They smoked in the house, in the car - with windows rolled up...they smoked everywhere.....Most of my aunts and uncles smoked...My grandparents smoked....almost everyone i grew up near smoked....But I did not ....i don't blame my parents for my addiction... I only blame them for ending their lives too soon because of their addiction....Both my parents died, within 5 weeks of each other, in 2012.....both died from smoking related issues....my mother was 73 and my father was almost 75.....a horrible death i wouldn't wish on anyone.... i can say i never smoked a cigarette in my entire life...fucking hated it....hate everything about...I fucking hate the smoke and the smell....but i grew up inhaling that smoke on a daily basis.....I would classify my life from birth to age 23 as an non-active addict (didn't intentionally put nicotine in my mouth)....at age 23 i became an active addict (purposefully ingested nicotine) I had joined ROTC, while in college, in 1983....I remember going to basic training and airborne school, where i was first exposed to a large number of dippers and chewers...i had seen people do it before and it totally disgusted me....seeing people do it in the military was no different to me...i thought it was totally stupid and didn't want any part of it......Lets fast forward a couple of years to Feb1986....i was a young 2nd LT attending the US Army Ranger school at Ft Benning, GA.....sleep and food where at a premium, but the one thing that was readily available was dip....Everyone had it....i don't remember the exact circumstance, but someone offered and i took some....figured it might keep me awake or maybe help me not think about eating...either way, that was the start and it didn't end until 16Dec2014 I dipped for nearly 29years....to put that in perspective - that is over half of my life!...that is fucking nuts to think that a well traveled, education, somewhat intelligent person would let themselves be so committed to something that is hell bent on killing them....Originally, when i first started dipping, i denied the fact that dipping was bad for you....My folks would say, "I wish you didn't do that"....My response would always be, "well, you smoke and my spit is not hurting anyone - unlike your 2nd hand smoke"....Prime example of deflecting the facts and not wanting to know the truth....Even after my folks died, i still dipped....i blamed it on the smoke Dipping - i dipped everywhere / always / often .....it was very seldom i was seen without a dip in....i used to spit in bottles (because a responsible dippers uses a spitter with a lid).....i was never a ninja dipper...i openly dipped....Imagine that any place or any activity in which you could draw a breath - i was dipping....i had been dipping for 2 years when i met my wife...i used to tell her that i was dipping before i met you and i'll be dipping when your gone (she never thought that was nearly as funny as I did).... Throughout the years, I did try to quit a few times......never for more than a few day and never put much effort into it....It alway frustrated me that i couldn't just do it (quit)....i had done a lot of difficult things in my life (i.e. survived cancer, elite military schools, combat) where i had to push myself to the limit in order to succeed....but i could not kick this addiction...and more so, I really didn't want to....even thought i knew it was going to kill me One day I just woke the fuck up...not exactly sure what significant event it was, but on 16Dec2014 @ 1100 - I Quit Cold Turkey.....there was a lot of things that were leading up to that - my throat and neck had been hurting for a few months / high blood pressure / mouth was sore......What ever it was - it was enough to make me finally realize I needed to quit......I knew i was not going to be able to do this alone so i started surfing the net - searching "how to quit chewing tobacco".....one of the first sites i found was KTC and I signed up that night.....I was able to find my quit room (March2015) and tried to post roll - actually, i wasn't even sure what posting roll was or meant.....what i found was some 2 page long thread about something or other...Honestly, i was totally overwhelmed - I left and didn't return for 2weeks........so there i am...9 days before Xmas and Im quitting solo.....not sure how i did it or how my marriage survived, but a few days after xmas I returned to KTC and posted roll for the first time......I immediately bought into the accountability of the group - i've always tried to be a man of my word and having to make a promise everyday was exactly what i needed.....this is where i first met Bro, Zach, Pre, Napa, & Mole....these guys where my March Rage brothers and have always had my back.....There where a lot of quitters at KTC who help keep me accountable and supported me everyday (some have moved on to QD / some are still at KTC).....Everyone of them has my thanks and extreme gratitude, because without that accountability and support i never would have made it to the first 100 days..... I have always said that KTC got me to the first 100 days - QD is what will keep me quit. I still stand by that..QD is now my home......Honestly, it got boring over there...bad politics, cavers, and quitters would stop posting and drift with no form of accountability....when you did call them out, they would get butt hurt and try to deflect blame - so i decided i'd check out QD.....2nd best thing i ever did (quitting is #1)........I love the accountability here - Im OK with the fact that I'm afraid to miss posting roll...LOL...Im not afraid of much, but I don't want to be that "guy".....i like the fact that we can all interact, at times disagree, but in the end - we all have one common goal - and that is being Quit.....Understand, I am under no illusion that I am cured...because i know that i am not or will I ever be......I need this place and I need the no-nonsense accountability that goes along with it.....I want to be Quit, I want to stay Quit, and i want to help others be the same. In 2 days, it will be my 1 year Anniversary of being nicotine fee........Every day Quit, is another day i never thought i'd never see.......Everyone of those days is a direct result of the brotherhood and accountbility that comes from being a part of QD.....Thanks to everyone here for being Quit with me......know that I am proud to be Quit with each and everyone of you. ***FYI....I did not write this because of Dood's douchy Mayflower thread.....i had always planned on writing a speech at my 1 year mark Edited December 14, 2015 by beast42 16 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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