Popular Post 25yd Posted February 7, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted February 7, 2020 The first 200+ days of my quit were on that other site. I originally intended to write this on my 1 year anniversary, but thought what am I waiting for? So here it is. I started regularly using tobacco in my early twenties. Basically, the same story you hear all the time. I worked in an environment where everyone dipped. Someone offered me a dip and I took it. Got green and sick as hell and everyone laughed. The next time I was offered one, it wasn’t as bad. Before long, I was buying a can of my own. Skoal Long Cut Straight was my poison. Eventually, I moved on to Grizzly Long Cut Straight. I was one of those that thought I needed nicotine in order to function. Thoughts like, it helps me deal with stress, it helps me concentrate on work, it helps me stay awake, etc. I almost always had a dip in my mouth when I could. Sometimes I would even fall asleep with a dip in. I’d wake up with a brown streak down my face and a stain on the pillow. At work, I would ninja dip in my office. Kept a spitter in my desk drawer. Never dipped around my wife or kids. So, I was constantly looking for opportunities to be alone so I could dip. Trips to the store were always extended so I could dip. Time in the bathroom was always long so I could dip. I would always drive separately to family dinners at the in-laws so I could leave a bit early and dip. You get the point. Never really even thought much about quitting for years. My grandpa was a chewer for as long as I can remember him. I watched him in hospice in his last days still craving nicotine. The day he passed away, he asked for a pouch of Red Man. That’s one of the last things I remember him saying. Did that make me think about quitting? Maybe for a second, but I threw a dip in as soon as I got in the truck to leave and all was forgotten. In 2016, my mom had an aneurysm. She had smoked when I was younger and then quit and then started back up 16 years ago when she married a man that was a smoker. The doctors said that her smoking was a contributing factor and she needed to quit immediately. She did quit and her husband passed away a year later due to heart problems likely brought on by smoking. Did that make me quit? Nope. The lie I kept telling myself is that I was healthy. I eat right. I’m an avid runner. Checkups were always good although my doc would always scold me for dipping. I avoided the dentist like the plague though. Dipping is the only “bad” habit that I had I told myself and the good it did me far outweighed the bad. What drove me to quit then? Early March 2019, I lost a friend that I had known since 7th grade to suicide. He was an alcoholic that had struggled with his addiction for years. He left behind two daughters that are around my middle son’s and my daughter’s age. The whole thing hit me hard. It caused me to start thinking about all the things Tracey was going to miss in his girl’s lives now. That got me thinking about all the things he missed due to his addiction. Then it clicked with me, I started thinking about all the time I was missing with my kids due to dipping, all the money I spent, how shitty I often felt from dipping. I knew I couldn’t do it alone, I still had the mindset of needing nicotine to function and that it made things easier. So I started searching and stumbled on that other site. I signed up and flushed everything down the toilet on March 3rd, 2019 and posted my day 1 in the June group. One other thing that I did that I think was very helpful in my quit is told everyone about quitting. I mean everyone. Even friends and family that had no idea I dipped. Burn all your boats kind of thing. The first week was hell. I was a super asshole the first few days (normally, I’m just a regular asshole) then the fog hit. My fog was bad for about 3 weeks. I couldn’t sleep at night, so I just stayed on the site to occupy my mind. At times during the day, the fog would be so bad that I would just log off at work and go to bed (Thankfully, I now work from home and set my own schedule). Then it started getting easier. Like really easy. The fog lifted, I started sleeping better, I was back to just a regular asshole. Now about the only thing that still gets me is the occasional string of dip dreams. Seems like I’ll have them for 4 or 5 nights straight and then nothing for months. Where the fuck do those things come from? I started to see that nicotine never made anything easier. It only seemed that way because I would feel terrible because I was jonesing for my fix and then it would seem all better when I got it. I realized that I can handle life and all the things that it throws at you without tobacco. Now when I think about all the time and opportunities to live life I’ve missed so I could steal away and have a dip, money wasted and the lies I’ve told myself and others for the last 26 years, I get pissed at the person I was. Stupid addict! More so, it adds to the hate I have for tobacco companies. Those are some soulless motherfuckers. When I first started posting my promise daily, it was because I could only make it one day at a time. As time has passed, my quit has gotten stronger. Funny how posting your promise to a bunch of strangers on the internet and keeping that promise helps your quit. I’m quit for good, fuck you big tobacco. Well, that’s my story. I’m actually a pretty quiet guy. I tend to have a small circle of friends. I spend a lot of time lurking and sometimes not saying much. Other times, you can’t shut me up. I like what I see here. A bunch of quitters. No coddling. A lot of good things that I haven’t seen elsewhere. 13 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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