Soxfnnlansing Is 1/4 of 1K Quit Days Strong

[IndianaMike]

                                       Soxfnnlansing is One-Fourth of One Thousand Quit Days Strong

 

 

My path to ¼  comma has been an unusual one.  I was working in California, away from my family and friends, had a shoebox full of $50s, and what did I do with my freedom?  I quit dip. 

 

My path began at another site, KTC.  Initially I was routed there by a search engine and absorbed a lot of information.  I signed up and became part of their quit factory.  I made many friends, made thousands of posts, and went through tough times with my addiction.  For the most part, I have fond memories of KTC.

 

Ninety days ago I left KTC for good.  I had been posting at QD for over a month by that time and was ready to let it go.   I have the belief that an addict has two choices.  You either place nicotine into your body or you don’t.  Since I don’t anymore, I felt that as an ambassador of quit, I must do everything I can to keep any hint of un-quit out of my vocabulary, and out of QD.  This was not possible at KTC, but here it was.

 

Over the past 3 months, members of QD have been my only quitting influences and motivators.   We have freedoms here like nowhere else.  I have poured many hours into the site with my thoughts and read other people’s thoughts. 

 

There is no chance for me to ever use nicotine again, but I always think there are others that are not as sure of their resolve as I am.  The past 3 months I have flexed my quit muscles to help guide the reader subconsciously with my words.   In the process, my quit has been stronger than ever, but found myself becoming short-sided at times when confronted with differing logic.

 

None of us non-using addicts will ever be the way we once were.  Our minds, bodies, and spirit are healing.  What I’ve noticed is my body was the first to heal.  Cravings and oral fixations did not last that long.  Next, my spirit began healing itself.  I made many changes in my life once the weight of nicotine was lifted off of me.

 

I no longer use alcohol (I’ve been quit 169 days).  I gave up seeds 3 weeks ago eliminating the high sodium that caused my bad headaches.  I have cut down pop consumption (soda for you hillbillies) to just a trickle of my old use.  I have done a good job curbing my foul mouth, especially around peers.  Overall I am proud of my body and spirit healing.

 

For me, the mind is the last part of my body to heal.  I know this will be a lifetime challenge being an addict and all, but I have turned the corner.  It doesn’t have to be “me verses the boogie man” anymore.  I have become comfortable with who I am after being clean for 252 days.

 

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My original 100 day speech focused on how my life was sabotaged by the Nic Bitch.  I dwelt on my life from my early teens, throughout adulthood, to day I chose to quit, and finally the moment I felt a sense of accomplishment for being clean for 100 days.  It made me dwell on the years lost, and moments ruined by rage because I was jonesing for some chew.  Relationships were severed or damaged due to my selfishness.  It also gave me pause to thank those that helped me along the path to freedom.  That was the correct focus for my mind to process at 100 days being nicotine free.

 

Since that day, my mind has brought me here, five months later, to a more peaceful place.  I know it was my mind that was responsible for my fingers digging into that can, not Nic Cage’s fault.  Nic helped, but I chose.  No longer am I worried about micromanaging my quit.  I am becoming who I was supposed to be in the first place.

 

I am letting go of the last bastion of support my addicted mind still holds on to; selfishness.  Being quit for over eight months, I have slowly been able to reverse many  of these joy robbers.  Selfishness was the key tool my mind used to keep me addicted. 

 

I was able to justify my actions if I put my own self first.  What I thought was best for me was paramount.  It was Nic Cage programming my mind to make sure he got taken care of on an hourly basis, no matter what.  Today, I thank my mind for being able to come to terms with letting go of that foolishness.

 

Perhaps, since I was able to wrestle the Nic Bitch and free myself from its grip, maybe I could protect quitters from the outside threats of their own quits.  The tools that worked for me will work for everyone.  Now I know that you have to let go of the past and live life the way that is best for you.

 

I have had the same challenges guiding my soon to be sophomore son down the paths of life.  I try to warn him about what he can expect in the future, and tend to focus more on the negatives than the positives.  He doesn't listen to anything I say.  He has to learn to live his own life, and walk on his own path in which God has planned for him, not my path. 

 

Becoming closer to you and trusting what you’ve said about many things have helped me in my family life.  It’s part of growing when you can look at yourself and see shortcomings and find the courage to do something about them.  Hopefully, my son and I can have that wholesome kind of relationship we had in the past.  It is becoming a more of a loving and mentoring relationship instead of the tyrannical kind.

 

I had given too much credit to others for my success.  At the end of the day, it's up to me.  No one can make the decision for me to quit besides my own self.  You cannot quit for anyone else.  I think we all need to be proud of our accomplishments once we get to the point to where quitting is no longer a chore, but the way we choose to live.

 

I have learned to be thankful for my own quit, and learning to be more of the mentoring type to fellow quitters and potential quitters, because that is how I am outside of an online community.  Each quitter must go down his or her own path to freedom.  We only can shed some light, helping keep their pathway lit, letting them be quit their own way and at their own pace.  I don’t know why I had to keep the boogie man away when maybe there was no boogie man.    This is all part of our minds healing, and learning how to live with the new chance we’ve all been given. 

 

I’m looking forward to enjoying my first summer without an anchor weighing me down since the Reagan administration.  I miss Ron, but not Nic.