The outcome of me being quit (now at the 100 day mark) did not come easily as many are aware, due to my own actions here. I have always been a bit bull headed in anything I've ever been involved in. Be it sports, relationships, career paths... I've never been silent about my thoughts (not always a good thing). Truthfully speaking, if someone is coming to this site for help with their addiction, as I was, I would recommend a long look in the mirror to reflect upon the shitty ways you have treated your family, friends, wallet, and most importantly yourself for years and years. If I had only done a better job of this initially, I would have been more open minded, humble, and receptive to the words that were being spoken to me by people trying to help me.
I do, embarrassingly, recommend any new comers to read my intro. Take note of my aggression, defensiveness, and willingness to fight with anyone offering to give me help (whether tough in delivery or not). And realize, that this is not the correct way to do things. These were people who have fought through the first month, years, etc... already , had changed their mindset to forget the past, trained their minds to view nicotine in any form as a fucking weakness that their former self was a bitch to, and hold on to quit today and the quit of the future as the single.. most.. .important.. thing any of us can do. And yet, my mind was too weak to listen and I just didn't get it, until I did truly listen. All I saw was negativity and responded in such a capacity. This was wrong.
Quit at first was getting into an argument with my wife and sitting in my basement hammering seeds convincing myself not to drive to the store. It was sweating driving past a store on a long drive for work, and fighting a small voice telling me I should stop there. Quit now... is thinking about that shell of a human being that ever even thought that way, and realizing he's dead to me, and he needs to remain such. I hold my quit in the highest regard now, the singular entity in my life that I can control that will fully impact everything else and to never lose sight of that concept. Quit has improved my health, my relationship with both my wife and kids, my sleep, my productivity at work, my outlook on a day to day basis, and so many other small aspects of my life that are too numerous to list. It is so impactful, that it is hard to imagine any of us ever wasted a singular minute or cent of our hard earned money on that bullshit. To be in control, finally, through quit, is the realization there is truly nothing more important than quit.
This was relayed to me by many members early on... "how can you say you don't have more time to engage when you used to carve out so much time for dip in the past?"
If you were ever addicted to dip, you know there is no arguing this statement. It is my responsibility to be here, to engage, to make myself accountable and to help others maintain the same. In my next 100 days I vow to explore more of the site, to follow more content, check in more frequently throughout the day, and hopefully continue to make more connections via phone/text and form strong bonds for years to come.
I owe large thanks to many members here for sticking it out with me. @Ghostface Quittah was supportive of me even after arguing with me on the phone and me being an asshole. @KD2continues to reach out, @Jock0, @Itchmay, @Sand, @Batdad @SRains918 and many more were very active on my intro, and although giving me shit I needed, I was here, engaging in a negative way sadly, I was here and engaging nonetheless. For this very reason I owe a thanks to @Mitch McDeere as well, because I spent many hours early on here on the site because of our interactions.
All of this said, don't do it like me. Be open minded to help and the different approaches this may come in. I did make it to 100 days, but I don't feel very fucking special about it. I have a lot to learn yet and a long road of quit in front of me, tomorrow's quit will be just as important as today's. I am thankful for what I have found here and the positive way this has impacted my life, and appreciate anyone who has taken the time out of their schedules to hold me accountable.
