Quit just got real

[monkey]

After years of many half assed attempts to quit dipping I found myself on the internet looking for something, hell, anything, any other method than the ones I had tried before. 

I'd buy the replacements because I was going to quit to make someone else happy. My wife, my kids. 

I'll quit when my son is born. 10 years later, I'll quit when my daughter's born. I don't even remember if I made an effort for those reasons anymore. Probably.

I'll be honest, the first few days I posted scroll I was doing it for my wife and kids. That's fine. Whatever it took to get me here. As far I knew at that point I was gonna fail again anyway. At least this time I was gonna try a little harder, right?

On day 3 I realized that this posting my promise not to use on scroll, being held accountable by other quitters and engaging with other members was going to work for me. I can still clearly recall that moment. The moment that quit got real.

From that moment on I discovered that I have integrity and can keep a simple promise to myself and my quit brother's every day. I also realized that I was never going to succeed trying to be quit for someone else. That day, day 3, I stepped on the road to quitting for myself. When I succeed everyone benefits.

Some people get annoyed when I paste the definition of a word into my posts. I'm gonna do it again here because these words are important and this is no time to approach these ideas half-assed.

Take your life back, or rather, find your life. That person shoving that shit in his mouth isn't you is it? Time to find out.

in·teg·ri·ty

Dictionary result for integrity

/inˈteɡrədē/

noun

1. 1.

   the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

   "he is known to be a man of integrity"

   synonyms:

   honesty, uprightness, probity, rectitude, honor, honorableness, upstandingness, good character, principle(s), ethics, morals, righteousness, morality, nobility, high-mindedness, right-mindedness, noble-mindedness, virtue, decency, fairness, scrupulousness, sincerity, truthfulness, trustworthiness "I never doubted his integrity"

2. 2.

   the state of being whole and undivided.

   "upholding territorial integrity and national sovereignty"

   synonyms:

   unity, unification, wholeness, coherence, cohesion, undividedness, togetherness, solidarity, coalition "internal racial unrest threatened the integrity of the federation"

Edited February 23, 2019 by monkey

[Owl]

When I was using, I thought I had integrity.  I would have identified with that definition and said, y'up, that's me.

When I signed up here and posted that first promise, it dawned on me: all I'd done for 20+ years...was lie.  I'd lie about where I was going when I was going to buy a can of chew, lie about needing to work late to dip, I'd lie about needing to go the the frigging bathroom.  I'd lie to myself about quitting -- I'll quit soon, next week...last can...last chew...just one more, then I'm done.

Nicotine itself is a lie.  It doesn't relax you, it doesn't make anything better, all it does is relieve the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal. 

It's all a lie.  Lying constantly is exhausting and demeaning.

Regaining your integrity is one of the best things about quitting dip.  It's like a fire.  Once it starts, it builds, and starts to spread to other parts of your life, making them better too.

[monkey]

I was talking with a guy about a year ago about his countless "I promise you I won't stop trying to get better" excuse to keep being a nicotine addict. We got to the subject of integrity and doing it for yourself and I watched the excuses in his eyes battle with the truth. When I asked him if he had integrity he couldn't look me in the eye and say yes. He half ass quit for a few days and rushed off to buy more mint flavored cancer. 

Good point @Owl I'm pretty sure I thought I had integrity before quitting. I'm grateful to have learned that I didn't and was able to pull my foggy addict head out of my ass and discover it for myself.

No time like the present.

Edited February 24, 2019 by monkey